Lisboa, by myself

I’m writing from the plane that’s taking me to Lisbon. My first trip alone.
I’m getting cold feet when I think about being alone in an unknown city. It really is a challenge for me because I’m not the type of person at ease with being in the ‘out of the comfort zone’ situation.
However, that’s the point of this trip, getting out of the comfort zone and TRY ! Try to wander alone, being alone, lunch outside alone … I’ve already done all of those things by myself, but at home, in my city, in my country. This will be very different.
Whatever happens, at least I will have tried !

We are the next day and I’m writing from the Lisbon airport. Well yes, already.
This morning I booked a plane that’s leaving at 7pm to Paris.

So what happened ?

3_4″>Well, what I thought could happen, knowing myself, but I hope wouldn’t.
From the cab in Paris to the one in Lisbon, I had this feeling of fear, of anxiety, of not knowing what I was doing here. But I told myself it would pass that it was okay and normal to feel that way. After all, it was a new experiment, of course, there will be fear. Moreover, I was up since 5 am.

Once I arrived in the Airbnb and met the host, I felt better. They were very friendly and helpful. Unfortunately, the apartment wasn’t ready, so I grabbed some of my things I needed and left, my travel guide in hand.
I decide to take a walk in my neighbourhood. I wander, take photos, watch the buildings mosaics, walk in some shops … until noon. Time to eat lunch ! I go to a traditional café terrace that I saw during my walk. So I lunched with my travel guide (the book right). This was a pleasant moment, but quickly I feel that I have to go rest a bit in the apartment, though it’s not ready yet …
After finishing my omelette, I decide to go down the street and visit a garden near the apartment.
It’s about this time I started to feel « bad ». I quote « bad » because I can’t really describe what I was feeling… It wasn’t physical, it was more like sadness, deep sadness. But, once again, I decide to ignore this feeling, thinking it would pass and force myself to continue visiting.

A few hours later, the apartment is finally ready ! I go to a grocery to buy some essentials and rush (yes really) into the apartment. That’s when the feelings came up strong. I couldn’t control anything. I won’t go into details because it’s not what’s important in this story and I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for here.
After panicking for a moment, I decided to call my loved ones and, with a little shame, tell them that I don’t know what’s happening and I want to go home, after less than 24 hours.
If I listen to every opinion on this matter, what comes out is that my reaction is normal.

Why ?

It may seem obvious, but being alone in a place you know and in a place you don’t, is pretty different. I wasn’t going to Lisbon with the goal of meeting someone, working with someone or studying. I was only there to visit for 4 days, not enough time to meet people, the difference is big, but I didn’t see it that way when I booked my tickets.
Of course, there are some people that, in my position, would have a wonderful time. I wasn’t ready, and maybe I will never be. But that’s ok, because I know now, I experimented it, even with all my fears I got on that plane. I’m not ashamed anymore because I did it, I did not just dream about it.
I learned about myself. I know now that I can count on me to do what’s best for my well-being, I’m brave enough to dare do something that scares me, I can definitely count on the ones close to me and sometimes it’s ok to not be able to do some things.

I hope this feedback will be helpful in any way or that you just enjoyed reading it.
See you next time !

You can find me on my Instagram – Photos : Lisboa by ©Suchoski

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