Today I’m going to talk about things people say to you, when you decide to make a big change in your life.
Like going to live in another country.
“Why would you do that ?”
Something the first instinct if the surprise. And that’s ok, I mean, it can be surprising to learn that your friend/child wants to go live in another place.
Being surprised, genuinely wanting to know why and maybe adding something like, “ok cool but I’m going to miss you”, is a normal and ok reaction.
But most of the time or sometimes, in my experience, it’s not what you get. You have the surprise, like in the first reaction and then you have the judgment.
“Why would you do that ?”, “What a weird idea”, “I don’t get it”. Not a positive and encouraging reaction as you can say. And you should know, people that have those kinds of reactions : you may have a negative impact on the person you’re talking to. Because making a change is already difficult, so being judged for it, not the best feeling.
“Are you sure ?”
In a second time, you have the “Are you sure ?”, “Don’t you think that you are making a mistake ?”.
I’m making a change in my life, so I’m taking risks, yes. But does that mean that I don’t know what I’m doing ?
That I don’t know myself better than you, the person asking the question ? Again, depending on who’s asking, but most of the time, it’s not a person that knows you better than yourself.
And yes, sometimes, the question can be asked with a sincere concern. But then again, it’s a risk I’m willing to take, apparently. Being wrong is a way to learn.
So maybe I’m mistaken, but if I made the decision, don’t treat me like I don’t know what’s best for me. Like I said, it’s hard enough to make a change, don’t make it harder.
“You will be back in one month !”
This one is not, in any way, said with any sincere concern. If you say something like that, it means that you don’t appreciate me enough to trust me or to encourage me.
AGAIN, I’m scared, I’m doing something I’ve never done, I’m jumping into the unknown, I bet on myself. I don’t need negativity, I don’t need your fears, I don’t need your lack of courage. So please, keep it to yourself. If you betting against me, I don’t need to know.
You don’t need to tell me it’s going to be tough, I already know it. I’m aware, thank you very much.
Even if you are right, why should I be ashamed ? I tried something.
And what if I fail ?
At least I will have tried. I will have tried to do something for myself. I will have tried to make something different of my life. I will have tired, and that’s probably ten times more than the people telling you those kinds of things have ever tried.
Most of all, I will learn, even if I fail, I’ll learn, so, so much. And I can tell you that because I do, in my current experience, learn so damn much about myself and others.
When someone is challenging himself, be positive about it, encourage this person ! Even if you’re not sure, trust me he is not sure either. But he only needs your cheering, not your doubts.
Anyway, that’s what they tell you, it doesn’t mean you have to listen. Keep being brave. Make decisions for you and you’ll see what happens. (Most of the time, it’s great;)
Maybe this kind of thing is more a French thing, maybe I should write this in french too, but have you ever experience something like this ?